Letting our Husbands Lead

I feel like I have read a LOT of material lately about the husband being the leader in our homes. Between the Helpmeet book by Debi Pearl, Love and Respect by E. Eggerich, and others, I feel like I have been bombarded by this idea lately. So I have been pondering it a lot. In so doing I have really taken a hard look at how well I may do this, (or not), by this, I mean how well do I let Chara be the leader?, how well do I support his decisions as leader?, do I covertly "punish" him for making decisions I don't agree with or like, or are inconvenient to me?
Let's just say it has been a challenging process for me to take a little more time to think about my speech, my reactions, my lack of action(at times), my willingness to trust him (or not) when I would rather take things into my own hands--in essence, so many things that really reflect on him and on Christ. There was a time back when Chara worked for Beacon Light in Bradford, and we lived in Kane, that I was a very resentful wife. I was struggling with two small babies at home, and, I am sorry to say now, I wasn't prepared for the type of self-sacrifice I had to put forth. Our finances were tight, our time was tight, my resources were limited, and much of the time I was so concerned with how miserable I was, I just wanted to make someone else just as miserable. Unfortunately, Chara received the brunt of my quiet tirade(I am not a screamer or an overt rebel). Instead of being his crown (Prov. 31) I was more like Job's wife "curse God and die..." I was the thorn in his flesh.
Since then, I have heard so much teaching and read so much about how a wife can be a crown and more precious than rubies to her husband!! And let me tell you, earning his trust, his respect, his love, his admiration, his confidance are all worth more than anything I could demand is my right. And a contentious, disagreeable wife will not earn a wife any of those things from her husband. This I have learned. And the more eager and willing I am to let him lead, to trust his decisions(w/out grumbling), to serve him extravagantly, to give preference to his choices and more, the more I feel loved, cherished, protected, and adored by him. What? You may say? If you treat a man like that, you're just setting him up to want to be more selfish!! Perhaps, but, "few men are able to continue being angry, lustful, and selfish in the face of such a strong force as being reverenced." Created to be His Helpmeet, by Debi Pearl. And this I have seen, and the more I think about married couples I know, the more this makes sense. So keep striving!!