I was journaling the other day, after my kids had gone to bed, bemoaning the usual round of things in my mind and heart--my inadquecies, feeling overwhelmed, care of the house and children, and what I feel are my failures.
I then realized that the whole paragraph I had written was all about me. Yes, it was about my shortcomings and faults, but still about me. I started to wonder if even this line of thinking is still a form of selfishness--perhaps one of the worse kinds, because it is a type of selfishness that can keep us sidetracked and occupied for years and years, and over time it can become more crippling and discouraging, because our shortcomings will never stop, as we are always sinful.
As I pondered this thought, I began to think, "If focusing on our shortcomings is a subtle form of selfishness, then what is there left to dwell on?"
I believe the Holy Spirit truly whispered this to me, "On My Goodness."
I have heard it preached that we should focus on God's goodness, but this is the first time I understood why. I can't change me--I can't take away my own sinfulness, regardless of how often i whine to God about how pathetic I am. But I can focus on His goodness, and bask the righteousness He allows me to claim through His Son, and for His Son's sake. It is through true gratitude that we slowly, painfully work through the process of sanctification, knowing that through all our failures, God is able. Though I fall, He picks me up, and loves and keeps me in spite of me.