It's amazing to me how many wasy our human natures like to rebel. When most of us think of rebellion, we think of aggression, defiance, and other out-and-out forms of the beast.
The one that seems to trip me up the most is the one that sneaks up on me. After many years as a Christ follower, bold-faced aggression and defiance rarely show up on the outer face of my person (I think). What seems to show up more is not so much an attitude that rebels against things (ie circumstances, chores etc), but a type of rebellion that is a lack of pushing forward, a giving in to the preference of the moment, a type of rebellion that favors me and my convenience more than necessary discipline or the overall well-being of the family.
For example, my dear hubby and I were out of town this past Tuesday on an all day errand and my parents had the children for the day. As chief cook and bottle washer, I should have planned and brought sufficient food for the day, to save us eating out. But, I didn't have "time" enough to prepare something, and have it ready in the morning. How convenient. Guess we have to stop somewhere...My natural person preferring to eat out, my lazy self not wanting to force myself to adjust things to allow for the time to do what I should do, but just an overall attitude of unwillingness to "suffer" inconvenience for my family.
I struggle all the time with this. And in a lot of ways, it's been harder to say no to myself since the finances have been less tight. It's easy for gentle self-pity to sink in--just enough to feel that this or that expenditure is "justified". The feeling of being behind in the housework all the time, and yet never quite willing to change my routine enough to improve things. The tiredness of cooking all the time, and the weariness of what to cook, and getting sick of the same things over and over. And the subsequent laziness in planning, and hence a bit more spending than should be necessary.
The desire to whine and complain about not having time to do this or that, and how the children make everything so much more difficult, but not the self-discipline to be thankful for those children, and to not let inconvenience hinder what I should be doing for the whole family's benefit.
Does this match anyone else's experience in life and mothering? And heaven sakes, forget it when I'm pregnant or have a newborn in the house!! The word self-discipline exits my vocabulary...then I'm too tired, or too worn out, or the baby this or the baby that...excuses forever...