My husband and I had a wonderful talk last night on our way home from Bible Study. It covered so many things, I can't hardly break it down enough to share it with you.
The two of us have been very frustrated with our walk's with Christ lately. We both have been contemplating the nature of God, how He is manifest in our lives, what, concerning our sanctification is ours to do and what is His to do, if we really, deep down, don't hold to an unbiblical pragmatic view of life and faith (ie it's only true if it works), and on and on.
We both read a book last week called Blessed Child by Ted Dekker and Bill Bright that gave us some food for thought. It is a novel, but full of quite deep theology. Anyway, it is about a ten-year-old child who was raised in a monastery whose life is in danger, and about the flight for his life, and the people who are to keep him safe. He was raised and thoroughly discipled by a monk in this monastery, and was taught to see and understand the kingdom of God in a very tangible way.
Anyway, as we were talking about our individual walks and questions and struggles, we both have felt that we (us plus most of Christian America) do too much compartmentalizing of our faith. When I say this, I mean we put it in a box too much. It doesn't seem to have a place in the minute by minute living. That the life in the kingdom that that book illustrated showed how this boy (and eventually others) lived knowingly in this world and the Kingdom of God simultaneously.
The questions I began to ask my husband were things like, "What does living in the kingdom look like when I am trying to get dinner ready with three screaming children hanging on me??" Or "What does kingdom living look like when the boys are ready to scratch each other's eyes out, they are so mad at each other?" Or "What does kingdom living look like when one of my children prays of his own accord for a boo-boo to be healed, only to look at it still there, not understanding why it is still there and waiting for an explanation from me as to why??"
I am so tired of trying to apply Scripture and Biblical understanding like you would a bandaid to life's day to day difficulties. I'm tired of praying for healing of individuals only to watch them deteriorate and die, or perhaps heal, but no differently than if they simply healed naturally, through many weeks of pain and struggle.
I'm tired of this life that is supposed to be abundant and victorious, and yet I have a feeling that part of the reason is because this life is the tip of the iceberg of what following Christ is supposed to be, and I haven't discovered it yet. I'm wondering if the Lord isn't beginning to give me the desire for Him. The desire that I know I am supposed to have, but could never quite muster it up on my own?? The desire that is like digging potatoes(see previous post).
He is beginning to show me about life and love, and what it's all about, and the part that I see is only on the surface. Hmmm. More later.